President & Crypt Curator - Kent Katacombs
Greetings, I'm the President and current Crypt Curator. I grew up as a monster kid in the 70s watching Shock Theater on a nine-inch black and white TV, which featured some classic horror movies but mostly broadcast B-flick thrillers around midnight on Saturdays. That experience provided the ground work and inspiration for what you see here. Have and look around and I hope you enjoy your stay here at Sinister Crypt.
Meet the Sinister Crypt Crew members, in their own words:
Production Manager - Annie Wilkes
Howdy! I'm Annie or Ann as some call me. Well, basically I make sure everything works and makes sense around here. You can say I’m Sinister Crypt’s number one fan, lol. I'm first in the office every morning making sure everything is set up correctly and works smoothly for the day. And you better believe. if it doesn't. I'll be the first to stand up and start shouting at everyone... This is not right! You didn't get this order correct! YOU DIDN'T PROCESS THE COCK - A - DOODIE ORDER RIGHT! Let me tell you, they listen Mr. Man, the dirty birdies listen real good! Hey! They better! I always have a Claw Hammer at my side, there's literally nothing it can't fix. Well… back to work.
Warehouse Manager - Regan MacNeil
I love my job even though some days can be a real challenge. I love love love horses and sculpting little silly figurines in my spare time. Living in California can be a real test too, with all the earthquakes and such. I sometimes have problems getting a good nights rest, my bed doesn't ever seem to stop shaking lol. I’ve had a few strange episodes at work too, mostly when I don't quite feel like myslef, funny thing, HR sent me to the doctors and they think I might have some neurological issues or something, soo... I’m getting treatment for that. Recently someone has swept me off my feet, I feel like I'm floating on air lol, very exciting times to say the least. Well thanks for reading my… Urrghh! Give us time... We are legion... I am no one... I am no one... Fear the priest...
Lead Artist (Horror/Retro) - Vigo, The Scourge of Carpathia
I, Vigo, the Scourge of Carpathia, the Sorrow of Moldavia, The Lead Artist for Sinister Crypt and I design for you! On a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood and created many designs! What was designs will be designs! What is designs will be more designs! Now is the season of evil designs! Death is but a doorway to dark designs, time is but a window to distant designs, I'll be back... with more designs.
Assistant Artist (Sci-Fi/Pop-Culture) - Karl Childers
I reckon what yer wantin' to know is why I'm in here. Reckon the reason I'm in here is cause I've created some designs, mmhmm. I designed quite a bit. I don't understand all of it, but I reckon I understand a good deal of it. I studied on designing for you. Studied on it quite a bit. But I reckon there ain't no need for it if all you're gonna do is sit thar in that chair chomping on mustard and biscuits and not buy anything. I studied evil designs some. They say if you design that, you'll go off to Hades. Some folks call it Hell, I call it Hades. I mostly design with a mouse, I don't rightly know where the mouse came from. I just kinda woke up a-holding it. Some folks call it a Razer mouse, I call it a Logitech mouse, mmhmm. Alright then.
Customer Relations - Catherine Martin
Hello!? Is anybody there? Please help me! Please, let me go! My family will give you anything you want! I… I put the lotion on. Please! I want to see my mom! Please… Please let me out of here!!!
Shipping Manager - Jame “Buffalo” Gumb
Ohh Hi! I'm not really sure what to write here… I’m basically responsible for making sure all the separate order pieces fit together and are processed together and shipped on time. I’m kind of a private person but I’m single if interested. I’m no George Clooney but hey, i’d do me lol. I tend to like heavier types, the thicker the better, just fyi ;) I broke my arm recently so that sucks. Can’t even put lotion on it ‘cause of the cast, really frustrating. And it’s even more of a pain since i’m right in the middle of moving too. I could really use some help if anyone is interested. I have a Van so that's not a problem, just need help with lifting the bod… err, some furniture. Ohh, I like pets too. Guess that covers mostly all of it. Well, I gotta grab a tube of lotion and head on over to Customer Relations to check up on someone, bye.
Web Developer Specialist - Kevin Flynn
Hi, I'm known around these parts as Flynn. Before Sinister Crypt I was a computer user who developed video games you might have heard of: Paranoids, Matrix Blaster, Vice Squad, a whole slew of them. I was this close to starting my own little enterprise, man. But thats another story... I'm just glad to be working for Sinister Crypt now helping with their website and such. Last job I worked at I really felt trapped and pushed around a lot, like literally stuck on a dark dystopian digital grid and some Master Control Program calling all the shots. Here I can just have fun and be myself. Anyway, if it’s digital bits, bytes and online, I'm your user!
IT Network Engineer- Seth Brundle
Hello, I’m Seth. I work on all the networks for Sinister Crypt. Don't tell anyone but I'm working on something that will change the world, and human life as we know it. It will be insainly great! You see, I farm bits and pieces out to other guys who are much more brilliant than I am. I say, "Build me a laser... Design me a molecular analyzer." They do, and I just stick 'em together. But, none of them know what the project really is. On a slightly more personal note everyone here at work seems to think I have changed recently, I don’t think I have. I mean look at me… am I different somehow? Am I live or Memorex? Lol, well that’s basically me and my work, like two peas in a pod. I need to visit the vending machines, really craving a ZAGNUT candy bar. Jesus! Close the front door! Someone's letting flies in here! Just what we need,,, a bug in the system.
Custodian - Michael Myers
Michael is a little shy but we were able to record his message for you.